I am aware that in some parts of America and in many other countries, Domestic Violence continues. As I mentioned in my last blog on abuse, about 5% of the violence occurs against men. Whether the victim is a man, a woman, or a child violence in the home is a crime. It is not a “a family matter.” It happens in every village, city, state and country. Domestic Violence spans all social-economic levels. Your pastor may be an abuser (male or female), the bartender at the corner pub, scientists, teachers, janitors, students, Senators, CEO’s, real estate agents, IRS agents.The list of possible abusers is unending. Domestic Violence is everywhere in our society.
In the past, it was “the Silent Scream.” Abusers were protected because if the abuse happened in the home, it was no one else’s business. Millions of American women have screamed in terror and horror in their own homes where they were supposed to be safe and secure. Tens of millions of women are not at all safe in their homes or cities. They have no way to protect themselves and since governments in most other countries are made up of men, they have no where to go, no one to advocate for them.
There is a cycle of violence. It was identified 35 years ago. I want to say to anyone who has been abused, no matter what the abuser says to you. YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE HIT, SLAPPED, KICKED, PUSHED, SLASHED, BURNED or any other violent act.
There is nothing that someone can do to deserve being abused. The stats on rehab for abusing men are slim. But the women and children will often hear how sorry the abuser is and how it will never happen again. At that precise moment, it is meant, but it never lasts forever. You will be abused again. The abuser is not really aware of what love is despite the fact that they think that they do. The personality of an abuser is obsessed with the victim and what they are really looking for is power and control. This is the reason that the abuser isolates the victim. This is extremely important to the abuser. They do not want family members or friends to be telling the victim to leave and get help. If that happens, the abuser loses control.
In a home plagued by violence, any form of violence, the children hear and see what is happening. This is true whether they are abused or the mother is abused. They see it happening. They hear the screams, blows, crash of household items being crushed. They hear words they haven’t heard before. They hear “whore, slut, bitch, stupid, ugly, lazy, ignorant”. This is their role model. This is what they are told is right because everyone is trying to keep a secret, at least for a while. So they think this is just what a family is and what a family does. They take all of these images and sounds with them to school and any other place they go and they think that hurting someone is normal.